Managing Your Anxious or Depressed Teen in a Mental Health Crisis

*WARNING: This blog contains themes relating to suicide and may not be appropriate for all audiences*

My daughter battled depression and anxiety from about the age of seven, though looking back, there were signs even earlier. As she entered her teenage years, she became better at articulating her feelings, and one day, she told me she was considering suicide. It was devastating. How could my beautiful, smart, loving daughter feel so miserable with her life? Immediately, I began searching for where I had gone wrong—she had a loving family, married and happy parents, financial stability, and weekends full of adventure. But honestly, we never found an answer to that question, and I’ve come to realize it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is what you do as a parent in that moment.

I quickly realized that simply showering her in love wasn’t enough. Love alone wouldn’t keep her safe. But through trial, error, and deep reflection, I discovered a few techniques that I believe made a difference. If you’re navigating this terrifying experience with your own child, I want to share what worked for us.

Every Child Is Unique, But Here’s What Helped Us

Each child experiences mental health challenges differently, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. However, these are the three key approaches that helped us navigate this crisis and keep my daughter safe.

1. See a Doctor as Soon as You Can

If you suspect your child is struggling with serious anxiety or depression, seek medical help as soon as possible. For us, accessing psychology sessions took a long time, and I wish I had acted even faster. If you have the financial means, book a private session immediately. If you’re relying on the public healthcare system, understand that it may take months, and in a crisis, that’s time you might not feel like you have.

One pivotal moment for us was when my daughter completed a mental health assessment. It consisted of about 20 questions, and based on her answers, the doctor assessed the severity of her condition. This step was essential for getting her on the list for psychology sessions, but just as importantly, it validated her experience. It showed her that what she was feeling was real, that it was a medical condition, and that she wasn’t alone.

The topic of medication is complex. We did try it, and in our experience, it got worse before it got better. I’m not sure I would make the same choice again, but what I do know is that you should ask as many questions as you need before deciding on this path. The right doctor will guide you through it, but ultimately, you have to do what feels right for your child.

2. A Simple Ranking System to Communicate Feelings

When your child tells you they are suicidal, fear takes over. It’s the most crushing, disempowering feeling in the world. You become terrified of saying the wrong thing, of making it worse, of missing a sign that could prevent a crisis.

To create an open line of communication without overwhelming her, we developed a simple ranking system. Every morning and every afternoon, I would ask, “What number are you at?”

• 1 meant “I’m fine.”
• 10 meant “I’m desperate and want to hurt myself.”

This system gave her a way to express her feelings without needing to find the right words. More importantly, it gave me the answer I needed to assess the level of danger and keep her safe.

3. Unconditional Love, No Matter Her Mood

One of the biggest things I made sure to tell her was this: “My love and my presence are not dependent on your mood.”

If she was happy, I was there. If she was sad, I was there. If she was angry, withdrawn, or overwhelmed with guilt, I was still there. I wanted her to know that no matter what she was feeling, I could handle it. That my love wasn’t conditional on her being “okay.” She didn’t have to pretend to be fine for my sake. I could sit with her in the hard moments, without judgment, without expecting her to snap out of it.

4. Using Humor as a Coping Tool

This might seem counterintuitive, but humor became one of our most powerful coping mechanisms. When she told me about what was bothering her—whether it was a mean girl at school, a grumpy teacher, or just the struggle of getting out of bed—we tried to find a way to laugh about it. Not to minimize her feelings, but to give her a sense of control over them. Laughter helped us take back some power from the things that felt overwhelming. It was a reminder that even in the darkest times, there were still moments of lightness.

Conclusion: Be Flexible, Be Patient, Be Present

There were so many things I tried that didn’t work. There were days I felt helpless, days I cried in my own bed, days I wished I could trade places with her just to take away her pain. But if I look back at what truly made a difference, it was these few key things: seeking medical help, creating a simple way for her to communicate her feelings, showing her unconditional love, and bringing humor into our conversations.

If you’re going through this right now, know that it won’t just go away overnight. Be flexible in your approach. Some things will work, some won’t. Don’t blame yourself for your child’s pain—just focus on what you can do to help. Above all, listen. Be there. That’s what they need the most.

Your presence, your patience, and your unconditional love are more powerful than you realize. You are not alone in this, and neither is your child.